I can't believe it's already Sunday. I've done absolutely jack all today, i couldn't be arsed to tidy so i vegged in front of the tv and took numerous naps on my comfy couch. I have no motivation to do anything except to walk over to the kitchen to make something to eat.
Making no plans to see anyone or even be fucked to go grocery shopping. Yes, my life is bursting with fruit flavor. There was a time that i had to be out of the house and always doing something and lately, i've just spent time on my own. Still really exhausted even though i barely do anything.
And then it dawned on me... I'm turning into a loner but i have a life.
I guess i've always liked doing things on my own, call it independence or maybe i just don't like being a burden on anyone. They say, one learns from their mistakes and maybe that's what i'm doing. For so long i depended on someone to give me happiness, when in return it just left me even more screwed up. And as a result, still paying for it.
I find guys have this ideal woman sketched in their head and although i could pretend to be the girly girl that i'm not, it just doesn't feel right. I speak my mind and am NOT narrow minded. And i guess, some guys don't like that. I find it hard to be on the same wave length with guys that i'm interested in. Maybe i'm destined to be just a friend. Don't be surprised if i turn into some crazed woman that mutters to herself and owns a dozen cats... hell, i'm half way there.
And for some time now i've always bitched and moaned that i'm not in a relationship yet i don't make any effort to go out of my way to look for potential candidates. Although they do say that if one stops looking, the right one will come by. But it's not like i make any effort any way and NO BODY has come my way in ages. Hmmm, whoever said that probably was in a relationship and said it to comfort those who are useless when it comes to relationships.
Why was it so easy for me to be in a relationship when i was younger? One right after the other, falling in and out of love and breaking up with one to be with another. Now older and wiser, it seems like there hasn't been any improvement in that department.
I know so many of my friends who are happy in their relationships or are in pursue of starting a relationship and i wonder how long will it be until i let Love back in MY life. I envy those who have passion in their lives and sometimes i wish i'd be fussed over.
But when i'm not promoting for Hardsequence, i'm trying to focus on my job, just so i don't have to stress over my non-existent love life. It's sad, i'm sad, the whole situation is just sad... i hate going on dates. And friends with benefits don't count, those are just one offs and a sad excuse so i can feel wanted. Basically both parties just want to get some nooky full stop.
Question i want to ask is, when will i have enough guts to even go on a date? Perfect example was yesterday. I get a phone call from this one bloke that i met aaaages ago and he calls to ask whether i wanted to go out for dinner. I said i was busy and had an event. But even if there wasn't a Hardsequence yesterday, i'm not sure whether i would have gone.
Call me chicken shit but the whole Dating thing... it's been so long, i wouldn't know what to do or say. But i hate feeling lonely and being alone... i guess there's no winning afterall.
Making no plans to see anyone or even be fucked to go grocery shopping. Yes, my life is bursting with fruit flavor. There was a time that i had to be out of the house and always doing something and lately, i've just spent time on my own. Still really exhausted even though i barely do anything.
And then it dawned on me... I'm turning into a loner but i have a life.
I guess i've always liked doing things on my own, call it independence or maybe i just don't like being a burden on anyone. They say, one learns from their mistakes and maybe that's what i'm doing. For so long i depended on someone to give me happiness, when in return it just left me even more screwed up. And as a result, still paying for it.
I find guys have this ideal woman sketched in their head and although i could pretend to be the girly girl that i'm not, it just doesn't feel right. I speak my mind and am NOT narrow minded. And i guess, some guys don't like that. I find it hard to be on the same wave length with guys that i'm interested in. Maybe i'm destined to be just a friend. Don't be surprised if i turn into some crazed woman that mutters to herself and owns a dozen cats... hell, i'm half way there.
And for some time now i've always bitched and moaned that i'm not in a relationship yet i don't make any effort to go out of my way to look for potential candidates. Although they do say that if one stops looking, the right one will come by. But it's not like i make any effort any way and NO BODY has come my way in ages. Hmmm, whoever said that probably was in a relationship and said it to comfort those who are useless when it comes to relationships.
Why was it so easy for me to be in a relationship when i was younger? One right after the other, falling in and out of love and breaking up with one to be with another. Now older and wiser, it seems like there hasn't been any improvement in that department.
I know so many of my friends who are happy in their relationships or are in pursue of starting a relationship and i wonder how long will it be until i let Love back in MY life. I envy those who have passion in their lives and sometimes i wish i'd be fussed over.
But when i'm not promoting for Hardsequence, i'm trying to focus on my job, just so i don't have to stress over my non-existent love life. It's sad, i'm sad, the whole situation is just sad... i hate going on dates. And friends with benefits don't count, those are just one offs and a sad excuse so i can feel wanted. Basically both parties just want to get some nooky full stop.
Question i want to ask is, when will i have enough guts to even go on a date? Perfect example was yesterday. I get a phone call from this one bloke that i met aaaages ago and he calls to ask whether i wanted to go out for dinner. I said i was busy and had an event. But even if there wasn't a Hardsequence yesterday, i'm not sure whether i would have gone.
Call me chicken shit but the whole Dating thing... it's been so long, i wouldn't know what to do or say. But i hate feeling lonely and being alone... i guess there's no winning afterall.
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